Half-Lobster Scientist Just Going To Hope Coworkers Dont Notice He Had Mishap With CRISPR – The Onion

Posted: April 28, 2022 at 1:51 am

BERKELEY, CAAdmitting he felt self-conscious following a workplace accident involving the highly experimental gene-editing technology, a local half-lobster scientist told reporters Friday he would just have to hope his coworkers didnt notice his CRISPR mishap. The main thing I need to do is make sure I dont slip up and try to shake someones hand, because that would be a dead giveaway, said University of California, Berkeley, microbiologist Steven Lipstadt, using his gigantic claws to put on a novelty sombrero he had purchased on his lunch break in order to hide the long antennae projecting outward from his head. Luckily my lab coat covers up quite a bit of my tail, so as long as I stay behind my desk, no one should notice that. Maybe people will see my protruding crimson rostrum and think I just have a cold or something? Ugh. If anyone notices I look a little different today, Ill tell them I got a haircut. I just hope nobody here has a shellfish allergy. At press time, Lipstadt was reportedly worried the nighttime cleaning staff would discover the half-human lobster he had been forced to smother with a couch cushion and stuff into a trash can.

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Half-Lobster Scientist Just Going To Hope Coworkers Dont Notice He Had Mishap With CRISPR - The Onion

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