A man who spent 11 years living as a trans woman having treatment including hormone therapy and breast implants has trained as a counselor to help people accept their gender, after 'detransitioning' back to being male.

Constantly mistaken for a girl, from childhood onwards, Brian Belovitch, 63, decided to transition to a woman when he was just 19 years old, instead of embracing his "effeminate gay identity" as he does today.

Brian, of Brooklyn, New York, said:

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Brian is speaking out about his extraordinary life, which has seen him battle addiction as he tried to fathom who he really was, just as a British woman has been given the go-ahead to pursue legal action against an NHS gender clinic, saying they should have challenged her more ardently before allowing her to transition from female to male.

Brian aged three in 1959 (PA Real Life/Collect)

Known as a 'detransitioner' a trans person who has reverted back to the sex they were assigned at birth Brian believes we are seeing "the tip of the iceberg" when it comes to people making the decision to change gender in this way.

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Brian certainly enjoyed a colorful existence after transitioning living as the showgirl Natalia 'Tish' Gervais, through the late 70s and early 80s and performing in legendary New York nightspots like Dancetaria, the Limelight Club, and Studio 54, made famous by artist Andy Warhol.

But beneath the glamorous surface was a seedy underbelly that saw Brian, who is now happily married to horticulturist Jim Russell, 61, develop crippling drug and alcohol addictions.

Hitting rock bottom in the 1980s and seeking therapy, in 1986 Brian decided he was fundamentally unhappy in his own skin and decided to transition back to being male.

"It was such a relief," he said. "I finally felt at peace in myself for the first time."

"It felt like my world had become a lot simpler by the decision and I could finally live the life I wanted to."

Brian aged five, with his parents Dolores and Isadore (PA Real Life/Collect)

Brian became confused about his gender as a tiny child, when he remembers strangers mistaking him for a girl to his mother's chagrin.

"One of my first memories is being out shopping with my mother and a group of women gathering around and saying, 'Oh how cute, how sweet. Where does she get those curls and thick eyelashes from?'" he said.

"My mom didn't deal with it very well and pulled me away shouting that I was a boy."

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Targeted by his peers throughout his childhood and into his teenage years, Brian says he was lucky to have survived the experience.

"Kids would follow me home and throw rocks at me," he recalled. "They'd call me 'f***** and queer.'"

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Exploring the local gay scene at age 16 brought Brian some solace, especially when he made a like-minded friend in Paul Bricker, then 17, who tragically passed away from an aneurysm, aged just 27.

Brian in 1972 (PA Real Life/Collect)

Describing Paul as his 'mentor,' Brian said:

Soon after, Brian moved in with Paul and his mother, Gloria Walker, now 93.

In the bohemian household, he could be open about his sexuality and he and Paul began dabbling in the world of drag.

"By today's standards, I was what would be called a 'gender non-conformist,' meaning that I trod the line between what is seen as male and female," Brian explained.

"It was a mixed bag. We called it 'scare drag,' because we were scaring the straight people that couldn't put us into one of their boxes."

Outgrowing his hometown of Providence, Rhode Island, Brian moved to New York City with $100 in his pocket and started performing with drag queens to "earn an extra buck," alongside working in a thrift store.

Taken under the wing of a group of trans women, Brian was still struggling with his own gender identity and began to question if transitioning from male to female might be the answer to his problems.

So, less than a year after arriving in New York, aged just 19, he was given the name of a "no questions asked" doctor who could help him to transition.

Brian and Paul Bicker in 1973 (PA Real Life/Collect)

"I turned up at this doctor's office no questions asked and handed over $10," he recalled.

"It was pretty much, 'Come in, drop your pants, I'll stick you with a needle.'"

Describing how the hormone therapy worked "very effectively," within a matter of months Brian developed small breasts, had a "softened" appearance and his voice sounded more feminine.

Changing his name legally that year, Brian officially became Natalia going on to spend the next 11 years living as Tish.

In 1979, four years into his hormone therapy and still not feeling like his "authentic self," Brian took the next step in his transition, spending $500 having silicone breast implants fitted.

"It felt like the right thing to do at the time," he said. "In hindsight, it wasn't very well thought out, but none of my decisions were back then."

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Natalia in a 1977 beauty pageant (PA Real Life/Collect)

Although struggling personally, Brian's professional life as Tish went from strength to strength.

Working seven nights a week, he would run the gauntlet of New York's hottest clubs, performing as a "big, busty showgirl."

"At the height of the 80s, I was a club personality," Brian said. "I had a band and would do a live show with a mix of comedy and musical numbers."

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Living both as a man and then as a woman also gave Brian a rare insight into the way society treats people based on their gender.

Discussing the downside of life as a woman, he said:

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Natalia performing at Dancetaria in 1986 (PA Real Life/Collect)

But life as a member of the 'gentler sex' also had benefits, according to Brian.

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But the party scene and life as a showgirl eventually took its toll on Brian's physical and mental health and, in 1986, he hit an all time low.

"I was relying on drugs and alcohol to get through each day," he said.

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Putting his life back together, with the help of friends, he kicked his alcohol and drug addiction.

But being stone cold sober meant he could no longer ignore what was staring him in the face that he was not happy living as Tish.

Brian at Miami Beach in 1990 (PA Real Life/Collect)

"I was as sober as a judge and that really was the beginning of the end for Tish," Brian said.

"I always wanted to be my authentic, true self and I realized I wasn't."

After having therapy in which he discussed gender issues and what constitutes a male and a female identity, Brian felt his only option was to revert back to the gender he was assigned at birth.

"I was beautiful and young, but I wasn't happy as that person," he said. "I was at a crossroads. I knew I had to have surgery on my genitalia or go back to being Brian."

"There was no question which path to take. Times had changed a lot since I'd made the transition and there were more gay men embracing their effeminate side."

"I was in the gym one day and saw a fellow who reminded me of myself before I transitioned."

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So, Brian decided after much consideration, to make the transition back to being male, stopping his hormone therapy and cutting off his shoulder-length hair.

Then, six months later, in February 1987, he spent $750 having his silicone implants removed.

Brian and his husband, Jim, in 2002 (PA Real Life/Collect)

"I felt a great sense of relief after the operation," he said. "I woke up crying not from the pain but because it felt like a huge burden had been lifted."

Visiting the gym up to five times a week, Brian slowly built up his muscles and, with his hormone replacement "out of the window," he started growing more body hair and his shape filled out.

He also 'came out' for the third time.

"I've come out as gay, I've come out as a trans woman and now I was coming out as a detransitioner," he said.

"People would come up to me in the street and say, 'Hi Tish,' and I'd have to tell them, 'No it's Brian now.'"

"The whole thing just clicked this was who I was always meant to be."

Saying goodbye to Tish meant leaving the glitz and glamour of the New York drag scene, after which Brian established himself as a successful photography agent and editor.

But, after the economic crash of 2008, he decided to re-train again as a counselor, specializing in drug and alcohol addiction.

Describing his "second time around" at being Brian as the "the best years of his life," recently he has become alarmed about the amount of trans people following in his footsteps, by reverting back to the gender they were assigned at birth.

Brian now (Jay Mathews Photography/PA Real Life)

Hoping to shine a light on the issue, Brian released his autobiography, Trans Figured: My Journey from Boy to Girl to Woman to Man, in 2018.

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Now, Brian who met his husband while walking his Jack Russell Terrier, Bricker, 18 years ago and married in 2013 is hoping to specialize in gender identity counseling, to help other detransitioners with their journey.

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Brian now (Jay Mathews Photography/PA Real Life)

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See the original post:
Man Who Lived For 11 Years As A Trans Woman Explains Why He Decided To 'Detransition' To Live As A Man Once Again - Comic Sands

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