NewsReal LifeEva Echo came out as transgender to wife Pippa two years ago despite fearing it could mean their relationship was over

Tuesday, 3rd December 2019, 5:40 pm

Eva Echo, 39, and her wife Pippa Ng, 29, talk about how Eva's coming out as trans made their relationship stronger, as well as the mental health struggles she faced on her journey to self acceptance.

It was obvious what the customer in Eva's tattoo shop was doing. The smirk on his face after he took a sly snap of her on his phone said it all. "He was clearly sending snaps to his friends, probably telling them, Have a look at this freak," she said.

She knew she stood out. "At that time, adopting an androgynous look and wearing make-up was a sort of comfortable middle ground for me. But I couldnt even say the word transgender, let alone admit it to myself."

The truth was that being called by the male name she was given at birth, and the male body she was born into, had been the root of years of torment. The multiple suicide attempts five major ones that led to hospitalisations. An eating disorder. The self-loathing. The denial.

"I'd always tried to imitate my friends and be 'one of the lads'," she said. "But I wasn't and my mental health problems were because I had no solid sense of identity, of who I really was as a person."

Then at the age of 37, there in the shop was a reminder of everything she'd been afraid of social rejection, ridicule, discrimination and abuse. Transphobia. But the way forward suddenly became clearer.

This guy really made me wake up and question who I was. I thought, how do people see me, when I dont even know how I see me? If people are already laughing at me, then fuck it, why not go the whole hog?"

Coming out

Eva opened up to her best friend Christine, who was "super supportive", which gave her the courage to tell Pippa, who she'd met at a gig six years ago, and married eight months later.

But Pippa had dated only men. I knew I needed to tell Pippa, but I was a nervous wreck. She already accepted me for who I was and the way I looked. So that made it easier to come out to her. But I know people who come out to their partners and they say it's okay, then some time later it all falls apart. I thought, what if it's really not okay for her?"

Eva swigged back a few glugs of vodka and took a deep breath. There was no going back once the words were said. "I told her everything. She wasn't even surprised. She just sort of shrugged and said, I know'.

It was huge for me. Shes the most important thing in my life. She wasnt angry. Id built things up to be so horrific that it was the ultimate turning point for me. To be accepted for exactly who you are makes you feel really truly loved. Pippa is very protective over me and gets upset if anyone stares at me."

Pippa says she always had a strong feeling Eva was struggling with her gender. "It's not like Eva was this big, burly man who dropped a bombshell about wearing my clothes behind closed doors. I'd never gone for butch men."

And while Pippa never labelled herself, she said she identifies with being pansexual, that is knowing she is attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity. "I always dated men and have never dated a woman. But I was aware that was because I'd never met a woman who I felt really attracted to.

"For me love is love, as they say. I really like the phrase 'Love is hearts not parts'. I was just relieved that Eva could now put a name to what was making her so unhappy. And I look and dress a bit 'different' myself. So I can identify with that. Both of us feel sure that we don't want children, so thankfully that's not an issue for us."

Journey to acceptance

And so almost immediately, Eva, from near Birmingham, took steps to begin her transition. But after going to her GP and being referred to a gender identity clinic (GIC) , she was devastated to be told the waiting list had jumped to two-and-a-half years. Like many trans people struggling to access timely help, she considered buying potentially-dangerous hormones online.

"The wait was just for an initial appointment, it would have been longer for me to have anything done. I feel like I knew from the age of four, but it can take trans people like myself years and years to get to a place of realising you're in the wrong body. Then you take this big leap and you expect the help to be there. But every year that passed was another year of not being me."

Fearful of suffering further mental health problems, she sought a diagnosis and hormone therapy from private firm Gender Care, where the waiting list was just three months. She also recently underwent facial feminisation surgery with surgeon Christopher Inglefield, who featured in ITV documentary Transformation Street.

Eva said she isn't on speaking terms with her parents, who have struggled to accept the changes. "I'm Chinese, and while I think culture has played a role, I know of more open minded Chinese families. I understand that they came over from Hong Kong back in the day when there was more open racism and they have struggled themselves with feeling like they fit in."

Pippa's family meanwhile have accepted Eva with open arms. "My dad was brilliant straight away, my mum was too, it just took her a bit longer to remember to refer to Eva as she, or her 'daughter-in-law'.

"At a family do I my granddad was great. He called Eva by her original male name and I explained she was called Eva now. He just hugged and kissed her like he would any woman. If someone of that generation can embrace it, that gives us hope."

You can read Eva's blog where she shares about her transition here.

Do you have a story about relationships to share? Email claudia.tanner@inews.co.uk

There are just seven GICs in England London being the main one, as well as Sheffield, Leeds, Newcastle, Daventry, Nottingham and Exeter to serve a UK trans population estimated to be as large as 660,000.

Record demand for help from NHS gender identity clinics has seen waiting times reach more than two years, research has shown.

Providers of such services say they are not adequately funded by NHS England, according to an investigation by Health Service Journal.

There are no official waiting time statistics, but four of the six providers in England shared their data with the publication which discovered providers are reporting average waiting times of more than two years.

Tavistock and Portman Foundation Trust, the countrys largest provider of transgender services, said back in August when the report came out that its waiting list for a first appointment, at 5,717, is at an all-time high.

One expert clinician says his service is four times over subscribed in terms of what its funded to deliver.

NHS England said its budget for gender identity services increased to 38m in 2019-20, compared to 34m the previous year. However, it acknowledged the problems and said it will be piloting new delivery models.

Campaigners say transgender people are being put at greater risk of suicide and self-harm because of long waits.

A spokesperson for the Tavistock said that in addition to an "an unprecedented increase" in the number of referrals to its service, they are also having to deal with a high staff turnover and patients cancelling appointments. A statement read: "We are aware that the waiting time for a first appointment at GICS is currently growing and are doing all we can to address this."

Original post:
Relationship diaries: 'Love is about hearts not parts' says wife on accepting her partner as trans - inews

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